Despite being more common than schizophrenia and bipolar disorder combined, borderline personality disorder remains one of the least understood and most stigmatised mental illnesses. BPD is a type of personality disorder that affects how you think, feel and interact with others.
In the hopes to raise some awareness on this often un-talked of illness, I was able to interview @txtumx_ (Instagram) about BPD and get her view as someone who suffers from it personally.
How would you describe BPD in your own words? How does it manifest and differ to people without it?
“I would describe BPD as removing extra layers of your skin, everything hurts you 10x more because your emotions are so strong. Reactions to things can be super strong and others find it weird or as overreacting.
I have really strong emotions about everything, my feelings are black and white feelings so I either adore something or am just really not feeling it. A strong one for me is attachment, huge fears of abandonment and if this happens, I am paralysed for weeks, I don’t want to talk to people, I just want to isolate myself because it hurts so bad. Typically, BPD sufferers have a 30x stronger sensitivity. So, for example, if I see a dog, I might start getting so excited and happy in the street and people think that’s overreacting. Sometimes it is difficult to differ with autism though as the two overlap regularly.”
What makes you happy and cheers you up when your mental health is particularly bad?
“Definitely distraction helps me. I enjoy watching YouTube or listening to music. Also, my doggies really calm me down they are my best friends. Mind website is really really useful to me and also Instagram is really positive for BPD. You can often find really cool info-graphics to share that make your friends understand BPD a lot better because it is hugely misunderstood and lots of BPD sufferers would adore for people to simply have a read in order to understand us better!”
Do you have any advice for people who think they might have BPD?
“My advice would be to visit the Mind website; they have really useful tips and describe BPD in its simplest terms. And do not be afraid to go to your GP, a lot of them will brush it off and say “oh no you’re just depressed,” but if you say talk through your symptoms and say you need to speak with a therapist, they will put you on a waiting list for it ASAP.”
Are there any possible triggers people should know about, and how they can help you feel more comfortable if something triggers you?
“There are lots of triggers like my favourite people* not replying to me or if my favourite person has a different tone in a text; it makes me really upset and I feel isolated and that they hate me. Also, abandonment from pretty much anyone. But I think there’s not a lot people can do about that it’s more working on my own response.”
*People with BPD often experience intense attachment to a single person (a ‘favourite person’)
Do you think having a label for what you’re feeling help you in dealing with your emotions?
“Yes, I feel that having a label definitely helps because it actually makes me feel like I’m not going insane and that these are just symptoms, like if I had a physical illness.”
Any stigma or misconceptions you want to break?
“People with BPD are not dangerous, or annoying or abusive, they are suffering from a mental illness and are doing their very best to stay above water. It is also hugely serious as it most BPD sufferers will attempt suicide in their lifetime.”
How has lockdown affected you mentally?
“Mentally lockdown has destroyed me, I have autism as well, so change is really upsetting for me. I like to go shopping or just go to university but I haven’t been able to do those things. It means most of the days have resulted in me being in bed wanting to isolate myself from people online and in real life. The government have reacted terribly to mental health in lockdown. A constant yo-yo lockdown is too difficult on the brain and people can’t adjust to a new routine. As always, waiting lists for therapy are sky-high, and simply relying on helplines isn’t good enough.”
